"the second miracle was the time spent with you" | ASPECTS GAME

[miraculess]

Warnings for violence, self harm, and suicide attempts and ideation.

(Also for overblown symbolism and the fact I am almost entirely winging this ;D)

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[ofobedience]

But there could be.

[miraculess]

I'll just destroy it again... there's no point.

[ofobedience]

Maybe it's worth it, despite what might happen in the end. I don't know. Having something even for a little while seems better than this.

[he's not the best person to ask, probably. he sighs]

Perhaps we should get out of the water...

[miraculess]

[ mumbled ]

No... no more. I'm tired...

[ofobedience]

[he knows what she meant by that, but--]

I can carry you. You won't have to do anything.

[miraculess]

[ ...no response. ]

[ofobedience]

Or I could lie here with you instead.

[in the water. morbidly. it's this or just lift her without her consent and he's still thinking it through right now]

[miraculess]

...nn. You have better things to be doing.

[ofobedience]

No I don't.

[as if to prove a point, he leans back into the water alongside her]

You're pack leader. I need you, and if you're going to keep lying here then I will too.

[miraculess]

Don't.

[ofobedience]

[stays where he is]

Why not.

[miraculess]

...

I'm not anythng.

[ofobedience]

You are to me. And to everyone else on Larkspur.

[miraculess]

[ another one of those barely-there, unamused laughs ]

If something happened to me, none of you would even remember I existed.

[ofobedience]

That's not true.

[it comes out a little sharply]

[miraculess]

Who was on our team when you first joined it?

[ofobedience]

[he's silent a moment as he thinks about this]

You. Victor. Caster. Fabian...Estinien?

[he shakes his head]

But that's not the point. Perhaps I don't remember everyone, but I barely spoke to anyone then. I was...scared of everything. But I remember you. Surely what matters is I remember you. You're not just anyone.

[miraculess]

I don't really remember anyone who was with me in the beginning.

Everyone gets forgotten in the end. You'd keep going.

[ofobedience]

[he turns towards her then, face splitting on a bitter uneven smile that's either unlike him or more like him, one or the other]

That might be true of some people. Perhaps I'll forget some of them, and there's something sad about that, but you don't forget someone who made you feel like you belong somewhere, like you were wanted, when all you've ever known is rejection.

[miraculess]

[ she looks startled— and then something in his expression makes her own crack wide open, going from dull despair to absolute, abject misery ]

I'm sorry. ...I'm sorry.

[ofobedience]

[the expression melts away, abject concern sliding in to take it's place]

What for?

[miraculess]

[ shakes her head wordlessly, squeezing her eyes shut—

oh. good job, Giovanni, you've made her cry ]

[ofobedience]

[well, shit. that wasn't his intention at all. he rolls onto his side in the water, moves to touch her, but slowly in case she lashes out or prefers he stays away]

Lilith...

YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT

[miraculess]

[ turns her face into the damp sand of the beach and hiccups miserably. at least she doesn't seem to mind the touch, although she doesn't really react to it at all ]

SEE WHAT?? THERE WAS NOTHING TO SEE

[ofobedience]

[her pitiful tears open up a raw ugly wound in him and if she's not going to pull back he'll reach over and hold her bodily, press her against his chest. this isn't what he wanted to achieve. not at all]