MEMORY REGISTRY/GAME TRACKING

[miraculess]

Games so far:

Memories Lost: One; the loss in the Dismemberment game was cancelled by winning Truth or Lie.

Meeting her grandmother.

Seven memories for the memory share game:
Saving Miku
being named
waking up for the first time
the river
drowning
seeing her own face for the first time
dying

Comments

the river

[miraculess]

There is water rushing over your feet.

(You can't feel it, but that doesn't seem strange to you at all. Why would you be able to feel it? Why would you be able to feel the body you're in at all?)

...You like it. The sound is gentle in a way that makes you want to sit and listen, and though you somehow know it's dangerous, it's a quiet danger. It wouldn't hurt you for no reason, you would have to do something to make it hurt you. And you're thirsty, and when you lower yourself down without falling the water is good in your mouth. (Even if you cough it out the first time. It's cold!)

So you spend some time there, letting yourself think about the water instead of worse things. Letting yourself go quiet. You let everything drift off so far that you almost don't notice when something splashes where it shouldn't, off to your right where the water (the river?) is going.

But then you do notice, and... there's a person. A small one. A... little girl, is the thought you get, looking at her; she's splashing around further in than you went, but doing the same sort of thing you were doing. It's still scary, because she's still a person, but if she's doing the same thing as you... maybe she'd understand? Maybe she's the same in other ways.

You stand up to go hide, so you can watch her more, but before you can do more than that, she falls. You see her go down, you can hear the sound of her head hitting the rocks under the water even above the gentle river noise, and you see the way she doesn't move after that.

You know enough to know that people can't breathe water. You know enough to know that that sound would mean she was hurt. Person or not, you still splash up out of the water and run to where she is to get her out, because you can't just leave her in the cold water, you can't, she's so small in your arms when you finally pick her up and carry her out. She didn't hurt anyone. But she's not breathing even now that she's in air and you put your hands on her chest, not knowing what else to do—

"—get off of her! What did you do, you—"

—there's a man.

You didn't see him. But it's an adult man, holding— you don't know, you haven't seen it before, but it's long and looking at it you get the impression of danger, something fast moving and pain and that's enough that you pull back. Try to show that you won't hurt him, you weren't hurting her, please. You're scared. You're so so so scared, you don't understand why he's so angry and that thing is still pointed at you—

You see his face as he looks at you and he's scared, too, and then— noise. Impact. Loud enough to hurt, and then just hurt— you have nothing to compare this to, no words for this, just bright overwhelming agony in your shoulder and you scream and scream and you. You don't understand. Why did he hurt you? You hadn't hurt him. You hadn't hurt the girl. You didn't make any sort of mistake this time and it hurts, it hurts it hurts it hurts it's his fault and you didn't do anything wrong, you don't deserve this.

...He deserves it.

He deserves to hurt. Him. Not you. You, you can show him how much he's hurt you, you should— and that hurts less, thinking that way. It's like a soundless scream in your chest, in your head, pushing the pain out the way your screaming is pushing out air and before your thoughts are pushed out, too, you realize that you don't know how to stop screaming.
















...you stop on your own, at some point. Your thoughts come back, slowly, in small spills like water rolling off of leaves. You're breathing. Your shoulder is throbbing with a low, uncomfortable itch. You're looking at something— your hands. Your hands are...

You're covered in red.